Calamity
by yasha-fire-starter
Summary: Inuyash, Miroku, Naraku, Sesshomaru, Sango, Kagome, Kikyo, .... All sitting outside burger king having lunch? This is going to be interesting. Rated for my colorful typing skills.


_Hey this is a story about what a day would be like if some of the major Inu-Yasha characters got together for lunch. Be warned many normal rules from Inu-Yasha (ex. Only Kagome and Inu-Yasha can pass through the well) don't apply unless I say. _**ULTAMITE POWER **_at least in this story_.

List of characters:

Inu-Yasha

Sesshomaru

Naraku

Miroku

Sango

Kagome

Kikyo

Anja/me!

I walked up to a sight I never thought I would ever see. Inu-Yasha and gang (minus Shippo, Kirara, and Myoga), Naraku, Sesshomaru and Kikyo were all sitting at a table together outside of Burger King having lunch! And at the moment, it was quite. Too quite. I didn't have to go much farther to feel the overwhelming tension in the air. I went up to them and noticed they were all in regular clothes for the 2006 time period all except Sesshomaru who didn't give a Damn what anyone else thought. Even though they had managed to get him in some pants. The problem was he was still wearing the upper part of his kimono, his breast plate and usual slippers.

I went closer to the table and noticed everyone glaring at someone else. Naraku was winning by the most glared at, by far. Me, "Um guys can I sit with you."

Miroku spoke up, (mostly because Inu-Yasha was to busy glaring) "Of course, but I'm afraid this side is full," he looked towards his gang, "Looks as if it would be best if you sat between Sesshomaru and Naraku."

Me, "Okay…?" Naraku and Kikyo grudgingly slides over a bit. I try to sit down but I don't have enough room. I look over at Sesshomaru with eyes that say, "Please, move over. Pretty please?"

Sesshomaru looks up and glares at me. "Are you expecting me the great Sesshomaru to move over for a shrimpy mortal."

Me, "…"

"You are sadly mistaken…leave." Of course Sesshomaru keeps a monotone voice.

Me, "…I'll give you shrimpy…" The rage builds.

_So ends the first person point of view_

_…along with any really sanity that was ever in this story._

The stranger (now on called Anja) starts to transform with dragon wings, horns and tail. Anja, "You freaken sexy bastard. I'll make you pay." Envision out of control flames in background. Why all the others are watching Sesshomaru get beat up by a little half dragon girl, Miroku slips something into Sango's Pepsi. She takes a sip, and soon falls a sleep. Miroku picks her up and sneaks into the forest behind Burger King.

Random person, "Hey I wonder what he's going to do? wink wink nudge nudge You know what I mean. You know what mean."

Inu-Yasha, "Where did Sango and that perverted monk go?"

Naraku, "He spiked her drink and is now fucking her in the woods." Under his breath, 'Wish I would have thought of that.' Kagome runs off to go save Sango's virginity. _Author's note: lets hope she doesn't come back. _

A minute or two later Anja comes back with Sesshomaru on a collar and his hair tied back. Anja sits down in Sesshomaru's seat.

Anja, "Sit boy!" Sesshomaru immediately sits on the ground beside Anja. Inu-Yasha absent mindedly shuddered. "Good Sesshy," Anja said patting Sesshomaru's head. Sesshy had gashes and bruises but he still looked sexy.

"NO NO PLEASE HAVE MERCY… SHIT," said a voice that sounded very much like Miroku's.

All the occupants of the table turned to look at the forest. Kagome and Sango came out, and Sango had blood on her sword, that she barely ever used.

Inu-Yasha, "Guys, …what did you do to Miroku?"

Sango, "I neutered him…"

Kagome, "the hard way." For some reason this sparked some interest in Sesshomaru.

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Author's note:

Me: Take that however you want because I'm not explaining.

( Mob of Miroku fans rush out of now where…literally)

Leader of Mob: You can't neuter Miroku!

Me:… I didn't Sango and Kagome did.

Leader? You're the author… so you made it happen .

Me: Oh ya… sorry forgot. Well neutering Miroku was funny … You know it adds to the story.

Leader: But that takes away all his hopes of having a child.

Me: Exactly.

Leader: …Well can't you make something else happen? Like …um … Killing Kikyo? Everybody hates Kikyo.

Mob: Ya kill Kikyo!

Me: so what your saying is you want me to sacrifice Kikyo for Miroku…What is with you people and bashing on Kikyo.

Mob: Sacrifice! Sacrifice! Sacrifice!

Me: Screw you ! He's neutered and that's that.

Leader: Will kill you!

Me: How are you guys going to kill m-

Leader: Will-------find------a-----way…(said slowly and drawn out.)

Me: Fine…. Now will you all get lost and let me write this story!

Me: Okay Miroku wasn't neutered (Kagome was to squeamish). They just beat him up a bit and tied him totree

...naked…

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Inu-Yasha turned back to the table because he assumed that Miroku was just getting the beating of his life, but hey he would live through it. Now it was just Inu-Yasha, and Naraku. Hey wait where did Kikyo go?

Inu-Yasha, "Hey where's Kikyo?" Naraku shrugs and goes back to eating his happy meal. Inu-Yasha looks right and left for Kikyo, until he hears a moan from under the table. He looks under the table to see Kikyo shivering and shaking. InuYasha jumps up, " Naraku!" (P.s. If your wondering where Anja/me is, look slightly to the left of the picnic table and you'll see Sesshomaru and me playing Frisbee, only with Sesshy in his big doggy form. )

Naraku, "What! Do I have catsup on my face?"

Inu-yasha, "…."

Inu-Yasha, "Kikyo is sick and I think it's because she doesn't have enough dead souls."

Naraku, "Well I'll just go over here points to the forest and create some dead souls."

Inu-Yasha, "Oh no you don't. I'll make you into a dead soul!"

They fight. A few meters a way Kikyo has stopped her quaking and is sitting on the table. Kikyo, "God! Burger king food is disgusting! Never again will I submit myself to fast food! …Huhn…" Sees Inu-Yasha and Naraku killing Each other. "Damn, Boys." Quite Suddenly a MAC truck zooms by and splatters Naraku. (I've been waiting for his death since the beginning of the series. . ) .

Inu-Yasha, "Yes, I WIN!" Kikyo sighs and rolls her eyes before heading over to Kagome and Sango who just emerged from the woods.

Inu-Yasha leans down to look at the pool of blood and tissue slightly decorated with tire tracks. He looks up an utters the single curse word that will change his life forever, "SHIT!". O Yes, that asshole was reassembling himself so he could keep fighting. Well, I just said I want that bastard killed and Naraku coming back to life defeats the purpose. So here I (Anja) come over and look down at the reforming mess. Inu-Yasha looks down also. Then ( much like how Inu-Yasha was holding a boulder that was non-existent just the time we looked in one of the earlier episodes) Anja holds a gasoline can and slowly pours the contents into the bloody mess. Inu-Yasha looks on in fasination (and irritation). Anja takes out a match box and holds one of the matches tightly against the side. Anja, "Back up."

Inu-Yasha, "What… Why?" Anja shrugs, takes a few steps backwards, lights the match, and pitchs it into the ever growing mass of tissue, blood, and gasoline. A fire flares up and singes more than just the plants below. By now Inu-Yasha is halfway across the Burger King parking lot looking very surprised. But hey what do I care? Acctually I think its time for a song!

Anja, "BURN baby burn, Disco Inferno! Burn Baby burn, …ect. WOOOOOOO!"

Well I think that concludes are first episode. (of madness) Next time on Calamity :

Seshomaru the lord of the western lands vs. Cliford the Big Red Dog……. Who will win?

_Thanks for reading. This actually started out as a stick figure comic. Please R&R. Oh and I'm not sure If I'll add another chapter. Guess it is up to my mood._

_P.s. To all those who have read my other story, Helena's Revenge, I'm really sorry I haven't updated lately but I need a break. Give me some more time to think up ideas and I'll start typing again. >. _


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